The Power of Vulnerability

Gratitude has been something that I've seen a steady increase appear into my life, even in the midst of a storm I am starting to be thankful for the lessons that will come my way.

When you open your eyes to the present or ears to compliments you can feel the warmth or sparkle being brought back into your soul. Rather than going on the defensive (I'm totally guilty of this!) and letting the negative chatter take over. When you put a little bit extra effort to 'dress up' for an occasion and someone comments how nice you look, take it and say thanks - rather than feeling insecure and retorting "Yeah right!" in a sarcastic tone or rolling your eyes.

From the things in my past that lowered my self-esteem I never wanted to believe in the good that others said about me because how could it be true when I "deserved" all the bad?! At times I still struggle with this even though I have grown and continue to grow, I have a sense of not being good enough to warrant all the love around me. As if my present and future still needs to make up for my past.

Criticisms

On the counter it's also wise to question the criticism whether from your own thoughts or others. When someone said I used to "bully" another I got so upset at the thought that I would be that way - despite that it was said in terms of when I was a child. This was in part because I couldn't accept and show compassion to whom I used to be but also I would hope I'm not that kind of person anymore. Maybe I did use to be like that at times and maybe there were times when I would be the opposite, I don't recall much of my childhood, but I am thankful for whatever my past has been as it's made me who I am today.

When just the other day I got beeped and then approached by the rather annoyed driver behind me; I got angry, upset and even questioned myself (not to mention playing back all my faults in my head). To realise now that maybe it wasn't about me and he was having a bad day. Going over if I had said or done something different only steals the joy from right now and keeps you stuck in that cycle. I feel proud of how I handled it that nobody got hurt and nothing got damaged so why does it feel like the wound remains unhealed...because I'm letting the people pleaser part of me overwhelm my emotions.

Letting Go

We always hold more strongly onto the negatives than positives because they cause a scar mentally that takes time to heal. When a colleague said if they ever needed to call up someone they'd want me to be on the end of the phone. I mean that just lit up my entire being, kindness overflow!

Or another time when those you truly care about say you really made their day, I mean there's no feeling like it. On the bad days it's this that keeps me going, it's my friend's suicide that makes it worth fighting for, it's the need to be more than just an average joe so I can give back all the love/support/inspiration back into the world that I've been blessed to receive.

So when it comes to questioning the negative it's these things that can help you ask: Is this thought or comment true for me? Can I use this to help me improve? What about this has made me feel this way?